Okay, so I’m not quite getting the hang of the whole ‘daily blog’ thing. (…yeah, I know, kind of obvious since the last blog post was six days ago..)
I honestly am thinking about it every day. I just can’t seem to get myself to do it. I go as far as opening the home page of the site and then I stare at the blank screen .. and that’s it. I’m stumped. I have no idea what to write, what things to write about, or even how to start. I think, “What the heck do I say that anyone is going to want to read?” I don’t know anything interesting. Nothing remarkable happened to me today. I don’t have a fascinating job (actually I don’t have a ‘job’ right now while I’m off work for health reasons). I don’t do any real interesting hobbies. So… what do I write about?
If you’ve read any of my many (translation: “three”) previous blog posts, then you already know I have a wee struggle (“major issues”) with depression and anxiety. It seems now that I also suffer from a fear of blogging. I fear I will be unable to live up to public (“my own”) expectations of how a blog should be written. I fear my blog will be mediocre and disappointing (“mega-boring”). I fear it will be too short (“blog and run”). I fear it will be too long (“put ’em to sleep”). I fear that I will come across as being repetitive about my personal issues (“crybaby”). I fear that I will be viewed as somewhat eccentric (“weirdo”).
With all these fears, how do I find a way to calm my inner mania (“chillax”) and get down to writing a blog that will be something more than canned trivia and static mumbles? This is my struggle. I have come to the realization that I am blogophobic. I need to overcome my irrational fears and simply force myself to just write. Something. Anything. A little every day. The same way I tell myself I have to write my poetry, short stories and novel work. One paragraph or two at a time. I just have to remind myself that a blog post doesn’t have to be long and drawn out. It can be only one or two paragraphs. It can be more. It’s alright to blog about the weather sometimes if I can’t think of anything else to say (it’s cloudy today and supposed to rain but we haven’t seen a drop yet). It’s okay to blog about the cats, the birds, the garden, anything. Whatever. I just need to write something.
Blogging can be, for some people (as it is for me), a little like coping with depression, or any other mental illness. It’s therapy. You take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one paragraph, one sentence, one word at a time. It doesn’t matter if you don’t make big advances, huge successes or great progress. You don’t have to. It’s your journey, your challenge. You take it as slow as you want or need. Every tiny, little bit forward is huge compared to where you were before. Once you recognize that fact, you feel better about your efforts, you feel stronger and braver and encouraged. Then the next time you are a little less afraid and it gets a little easier each time to face doing it. Eventually you come to the place where it becomes easy and you don’t feel any fear at all. That’s the place I want to get to. That’s the place I will get to. I’ll get there. Eventually.
Wow. Look at that. I guess I could write something after all. I hope it wasn’t too boring or angst-riddled. And if you’re still reading at this point, thank you. Thank you for giving me your time. You make it all worthwhile. 🙂
“Anything that instills a sense of hope will at least temporarily help treat depression.” – Irving Kirsch
PS. Some new pages in the Poetry bin, including “Doors” posted below. Cheers! 😀